And that is a good thing, but not quite what I’m looking for at this time of year. What I’m looking for is… David Sedaris: The Santaland Diaries. Half an hour of Christmas perfection: festive but wry, a teensy bit sentimental and very, very funny. These diaries, written in 1992, describe the time when Sedaris worked in Macy’s as a Christmas elf (as a side effect, they made me yearn to be in New York). If you didn’t hear the programme, I’m not going to spoil it, but his reminiscences include real-life lines such as, “You’re an elf, and you’re gonna wear panties like an elf!”, “Step on the magic star and you can see… Cher” and “Goddam it Rachel, get back on that man’s lap and smile!”
His writing is beautiful, his observation is on-point and his delivery is a delight. Download and save for those days when you feel Christmas spirit leaving your life like air from a balloon.
I downloaded The Skool Days of Nigel Molesworth for such moments too… but these did not work half so well. Molesworth, the grotty 1950s schoolboy iconoclast, is one of my favourite ever characters. I read and re-read the books when I was young. And part of the problem with these shows, which went out in Radio 4’s 15 Minute Drama slot, is that Molesworth, written by Geoffrey Willans, is fundamentally a book experience: the spelling mistakes, the verbal tics (“hello clouds hello sky”, “chiz chiz chiz”), the school reports, the amazing cartoons of Ronald Searle. The atmosphere of St Custard’s, Molesworth’s prep school, comes from these: there isn’t exactly a dramatic arc. Which means that Molesworth, unlike Billy Bunter, or Just William, can’t really be translated into drama form, particularly not radio drama. Plus Molesworth was played by Imelda Staunton, who chose the most awful voice to do so, like a screeching Terry “My Bruvver” Scott. Such a shame.
The Butcher’s Apron is a loose collective of British producers and broadcasters that makes podcasts and radio shows: “adventures in audio”, they call it. They work with brands such as Secret Garden Party, and they’ve been partnering with Selfridges for quite some time (I visited their little broadcasting pod in Selfridges’ window this summer). Now, for Selfridges.com, they’ve come up with six seasonal stories, all under the title Reasons to Believe. None is quite up to Sedaris standard but they are along the same line: storytelling essays with a festive twist. Each one has its own atmosphere and accent, its own approach, and as the Butchers Apron is about sound-making, each story is a complete audio experience, mixed and weaved with music and sound. Short and sharp, I enjoyed each one.
What else? Well, you’d have to be more churlish than I am to have avoided Classic FM’s The Nation’s Favourite Carols and lovely Aled Jones reading The Snowman. Cerys Matthews on Dylan Thomas had a lovely warm tone. And if you want the strangest of laughs, listen back to Russell Davis’s in-depth interview with Mike Batt on Radio 2. It’s like creme brulee brought to life, except Batt was immensely successful, as a Womble and a songwriter-producer. Weirdly compelling.
