Or maybe, if you are in the market for an Ugly Christmas Sweater, something sportier is more your taste. In that case, might you be interested in a team-branded Ugly Christmas Sweater, courtesy of the NBA Store?
Or, if those options don't appeal, you could always make your own variation. The World's Ugliest Christmas Sweater, Gizmodo has just declared, is a DIY affair that includes not just argyle and blinking Christmas lights, but also a working model train that edges its southern border.
Most likely, though, if you find yourself in need of an Ugly Christmas Sweater, you will simply purchase one. The NBA Store's branded UCSes can be had for $50 to $65 a pop, shipping not included. Kohl's has a selection of UCSes for sale; so does Target. So does Amazon, where a search for "ugly christmas sweater" returns more than 5,000 results. Nordstrom, splitting the homemade/store-bought difference, offers a Make-Your-Own UCS kit. Or you could rent a UCS as you would a Halloween costume. The formalwear rental site Rent the Runway offers a collection of 12 sweaters, cardigans, and vests at a cost of $15 per four-day rental. The designs feature names like "Meowy Christmas" and "We Wish You a Beary Christmas," and are designed to be, Business Insider notes, "as unattractive as possible."
It used to be that the Ugly Christmas Sweater, as a concept, was in line with the basic logic of the holiday season: The commercial stuff involved—the sweater itself—was, much like holiday gifts in general, simply presented as a vehicle of mirth/cheer/togetherness. All those office parties featuring an "ugly Christmas sweater" theme. All those Ugly Sweater-celebrating races. All those contests at bars and restaurants and malls the country over, the winners of which have been dutifully highlighted on sites like myuglychristmassweater.com. Jimmy Fallon did an ongoing bit called "The 12 Days of Christmas Sweaters."
My gym, I was just informed, is hosting an Ugly Christmas Sweater contest this year, which will culminate in an "Ugly Sweater Open House." This event will not be held this Friday—an oversight, maybe, since December 12 is, officially, National Ugly Christmas Sweater day.
This year, however, has brought a frenzied new commercialism to the UCS as a concept. While the UCS used to be a vintage item in the truest sense—a gift from a well-meaning older relative, usually, and regardless something you dug, literally, out of mothballs—today, the idea is to buy your ironic nostalgia. Or, you know, rent it.
Given all this, you could certainly say that the Ugly Christmas Sweater has jumped the shark—or, you know, jumpered it. You could say, correctly, that a garment for which you have shelled out $65-plus-shipping may be ugly, but is no longer fully ironic. You could also be more pointed in your objections—saying, as The Guardian did, that "the Ugly Christmas Sweater is a not-so-subtle way to both mock the holiday of Christmas itself—and to belittle those who wear such sweaters in earnest."
