Things best friends do, Great girlfriends really are the best. They are never the people you don’t want to see because you can always be yourself with them, in whatever state you are in.
And the really, really great girls are those who will conspire in that fun with you — the ones who are down to get super crazy, wild and weird with you. No judgment, ever.
You know what we’re talking about. So, who’s feeling a little nutty? Here’s the so-called weird things that only gal pals do together.
1. Talk about who has added them on social media
People who are announcement-worthy: your crush, any C-list celebrity like one of the “Rich Kids of Beverly Hills” or higher, and anyone you yourself would love to add but don’t have the balls to do so (see: ex-boyfriend’s sister and that socialite-y girl with good style).
Once you divulge the news, your trusty friends promptly respond with a chorus of, “No way! That’s awesome!” We just can’t help being soooo popular.
2. Hug when seeing each other
Like Europeans kissing each cheek, girls are big on hugging. Not every embrace is of equal genuineness, though. Here’s an overview of the levels of hugging.
1) The Unexpected Hug: You’re on the street, in your zone and then — BAM! — it’s your bestie from abroad. “Oh-em-gee, hey!”
… And cue hug.
2) The Friendly Hug: Despite just seeing your girlfriend at dinner on Tuesday, you greet her with a hello on Friday night as if it’s been months (because you guys really do just love each other that much!).
3) The Awkward Hug: One of you goes in for it while the other one ducks out and so continues until you both half-ass it and finally walk away.
3. Use the same phrases to start sentences
“Honestly, I’m not gonna lie, I wanna let you know that these expressions aren’t annoying until I find myself using them, too, literally and like seriously.”
4. Ask each other if they need nose jobs
…Or boob jobs, or Botox, or to lose weight. We already know the answer will be no, but that still won’t stop us from inquiring. “Tell me honestly, I won’t be offended.”
5. Discuss their dreams
Full disclosure: I actually really hate listening to people share their dreams with me (unless, of course, I play a starring role in it).
Nevertheless, we ladies love to dole out our snooze-worthy stories and then dissect them together to find deeper meaning. Freud would be proud.
6. Make extravagant exercise and diet plans that result in getting drunk instead
This one is a real classic that gets about as far as putting on the spandex. Sunday: Sit on the couch and resolve to “get healthy.” Beginning of the week: Get healthy. Weekend: Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball.” Sunday: Repeat.
7. Tell each other sad stories
It begins innocuously with, “Do you guys wanna hear something sad?” and then very quickly turns into a book club of women exchanging tragic tales.
No disrespect intended; we just can’t resist sharing a hauntingly provocative story with our girlfriends… not to bring the mood down, or anything.
8. Read horoscopes and apply it to their lives
Mercury in retrograde right now is seriously f*cking sh*t up in this world. When you apologize for your momentary flip-out, your friends find it totally acceptable to blame it on the cosmic universe and the fact that you’re a natural-born Leo.
9. Name things
You use two-word descriptors for every one of you and your friend’s hookups (How else have you kept them straight since freshman year?). Some gems: “Sexy Loser,” “Ben Law” and “Miami Dan.”
It doesn’t stop there, either. We name things like friend groups (“The Michigan Girls”), our apartments and even our friends who already have names.
10. Compare vagina hair
Sorry, not sorry and no judgment while we’re at it. When it’s a close call and you’re tiptoeing the grooming line, who else are you comfortable conferring upon? See also: ordering boob sizes from smallest to biggest by groping each other.
11. Chill in bed together while text messaging
Everyone piles into whoever has the fluffiest princess bed — cell phones in hand — and contemplates things like which characters you are from “Girls” or “Sex and the City.”And even though everyone in the group chat is currently present, you guys still communicate via text message because…emoticons.
12. Disguise talking smack as “venting”
Bitching is us talking about our day, true confessions are really intimate secrets and venting is basically surface level sh*t-talking, which we don’t actually believe but just need someone else to nod her head at. Anything that is of actual importance is reserved for in-depth and in-person conversations, preferably over brunch or cocktails or both.
13. Celebrate each other’s birthdays for three days
A lot goes into celebrating a bestie’s birthday. There’s the special phone call and requisite drinking the night before, then the big birthday dinner that evening.
The next morning, there’s the birthday brunch recap, and by the time the weekend is over, you’re so sick of celebrating that you vow you won’t be a Birthdayzilla come your turn.
…Yeah, right. You’ll not-so-slyly demand Instagram collages in about a week.
14. Send 30 frantic text messages in a row
You just ran into your ex, Jennifer Aniston finally got married, you’re drunk wandering around the bar, or that guy at the gym you’ve been flirting with finally got your number.
Either way, you are blowing up the chat with more caps lock and exclamation points than an angry Elite Daily comment section. The most absurd part: Before your friend even gets to read them, you’re calling her to verbally recap the whole thing, anyway.
15. Use movie quotes to explain how they’re feeling
When you told me I was trying to make “fetch” happen, I thought that was way harsh, Tai.
16. Hold intense debates on which season is the best, which hair color would be most flattering, and if Tom Cruise is gay
Seriously, we are like a Women’s Conference on Miscellaneous Thoughts when it comes to frivolous dissections of all things girly. Once we’re all done determining the advantages of buying wedges, it always comes back to obsessing over how great we are as a friend group.
17. Hypothesize the lives of people you don’t really know but stalk on social media
After seeing your long-lost friend from summer camp’s status update, you compile her life story based on arbitrary tidbits from social media. Congratulations, you and your friends are the real-life equivalent of “Law and Order: SVU.”
One thing is for sure: No matter how many times you and your girls obsess over it all, you’ll still never get tired of stalking.
And the really, really great girls are those who will conspire in that fun with you — the ones who are down to get super crazy, wild and weird with you. No judgment, ever.
You know what we’re talking about. So, who’s feeling a little nutty? Here’s the so-called weird things that only gal pals do together.
1. Talk about who has added them on social media
People who are announcement-worthy: your crush, any C-list celebrity like one of the “Rich Kids of Beverly Hills” or higher, and anyone you yourself would love to add but don’t have the balls to do so (see: ex-boyfriend’s sister and that socialite-y girl with good style).Once you divulge the news, your trusty friends promptly respond with a chorus of, “No way! That’s awesome!” We just can’t help being soooo popular.
2. Hug when seeing each other
Like Europeans kissing each cheek, girls are big on hugging. Not every embrace is of equal genuineness, though. Here’s an overview of the levels of hugging.
1) The Unexpected Hug: You’re on the street, in your zone and then — BAM! — it’s your bestie from abroad. “Oh-em-gee, hey!”
… And cue hug.
2) The Friendly Hug: Despite just seeing your girlfriend at dinner on Tuesday, you greet her with a hello on Friday night as if it’s been months (because you guys really do just love each other that much!).
3) The Awkward Hug: One of you goes in for it while the other one ducks out and so continues until you both half-ass it and finally walk away.
3. Use the same phrases to start sentences
“Honestly, I’m not gonna lie, I wanna let you know that these expressions aren’t annoying until I find myself using them, too, literally and like seriously.”
4. Ask each other if they need nose jobs
…Or boob jobs, or Botox, or to lose weight. We already know the answer will be no, but that still won’t stop us from inquiring. “Tell me honestly, I won’t be offended.”
5. Discuss their dreams
Full disclosure: I actually really hate listening to people share their dreams with me (unless, of course, I play a starring role in it).
Nevertheless, we ladies love to dole out our snooze-worthy stories and then dissect them together to find deeper meaning. Freud would be proud.
6. Make extravagant exercise and diet plans that result in getting drunk instead
This one is a real classic that gets about as far as putting on the spandex. Sunday: Sit on the couch and resolve to “get healthy.” Beginning of the week: Get healthy. Weekend: Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball.” Sunday: Repeat.
7. Tell each other sad stories
It begins innocuously with, “Do you guys wanna hear something sad?” and then very quickly turns into a book club of women exchanging tragic tales.
No disrespect intended; we just can’t resist sharing a hauntingly provocative story with our girlfriends… not to bring the mood down, or anything.
8. Read horoscopes and apply it to their lives
Mercury in retrograde right now is seriously f*cking sh*t up in this world. When you apologize for your momentary flip-out, your friends find it totally acceptable to blame it on the cosmic universe and the fact that you’re a natural-born Leo.
9. Name things
You use two-word descriptors for every one of you and your friend’s hookups (How else have you kept them straight since freshman year?). Some gems: “Sexy Loser,” “Ben Law” and “Miami Dan.”
It doesn’t stop there, either. We name things like friend groups (“The Michigan Girls”), our apartments and even our friends who already have names.
10. Compare vagina hair
Sorry, not sorry and no judgment while we’re at it. When it’s a close call and you’re tiptoeing the grooming line, who else are you comfortable conferring upon? See also: ordering boob sizes from smallest to biggest by groping each other.
11. Chill in bed together while text messaging
Everyone piles into whoever has the fluffiest princess bed — cell phones in hand — and contemplates things like which characters you are from “Girls” or “Sex and the City.”And even though everyone in the group chat is currently present, you guys still communicate via text message because…emoticons.
12. Disguise talking smack as “venting”
Bitching is us talking about our day, true confessions are really intimate secrets and venting is basically surface level sh*t-talking, which we don’t actually believe but just need someone else to nod her head at. Anything that is of actual importance is reserved for in-depth and in-person conversations, preferably over brunch or cocktails or both.
13. Celebrate each other’s birthdays for three days
A lot goes into celebrating a bestie’s birthday. There’s the special phone call and requisite drinking the night before, then the big birthday dinner that evening.
The next morning, there’s the birthday brunch recap, and by the time the weekend is over, you’re so sick of celebrating that you vow you won’t be a Birthdayzilla come your turn.
…Yeah, right. You’ll not-so-slyly demand Instagram collages in about a week.
14. Send 30 frantic text messages in a row
You just ran into your ex, Jennifer Aniston finally got married, you’re drunk wandering around the bar, or that guy at the gym you’ve been flirting with finally got your number.
Either way, you are blowing up the chat with more caps lock and exclamation points than an angry Elite Daily comment section. The most absurd part: Before your friend even gets to read them, you’re calling her to verbally recap the whole thing, anyway.
15. Use movie quotes to explain how they’re feeling
When you told me I was trying to make “fetch” happen, I thought that was way harsh, Tai.
16. Hold intense debates on which season is the best, which hair color would be most flattering, and if Tom Cruise is gay
Seriously, we are like a Women’s Conference on Miscellaneous Thoughts when it comes to frivolous dissections of all things girly. Once we’re all done determining the advantages of buying wedges, it always comes back to obsessing over how great we are as a friend group.
17. Hypothesize the lives of people you don’t really know but stalk on social media
After seeing your long-lost friend from summer camp’s status update, you compile her life story based on arbitrary tidbits from social media. Congratulations, you and your friends are the real-life equivalent of “Law and Order: SVU.”
One thing is for sure: No matter how many times you and your girls obsess over it all, you’ll still never get tired of stalking.
