Hey, it can happen, and it could be priceless, right? Haven’t you ever seen “Antiques Road Show?”
I have. And then I went. To the show, I mean.
Early Saturday morning my husband and I trekked over to the Javits Center, where “Antiques Roadshow” was set up in the cavernous space. There were hundreds of antiques experts and thousands of people who’d brought their stuff in to be evaluated, all sure they were going to be the big winner. After all, they did have that hideous dragon planter from the yard sale.
But who else but me had ever picked up original, certified Rembrandt, Manet and Goya etchings in gold-leaf frames for $350 a piece at an auction for a used lawnmower and tires in New Jersey 15 years ago? Me, that’s who! Who else had an original Miles Davis pen and pencil drawing that he’d sent me when I worked at “Newsday?” Me, that’s who!One Sunday, maybe 15 years ago, my guy decided we needed a used lawnmower, since we’d just bought a house. I kicked and screamed but went along just to make sure he didn’t buy one. I needed a used piece of lawn junk as much as I needed an original Dutch Master.
But there, to my astonishment, along with the used tires, were several original, certified etchings of Rembrandt, Goya and Manet. Not one person bid on them but me, although the lawnmower sales were going wild. I got each master etching for its opening bid.
We put them in the car and then I yelled at my guy all the way home to drive slowly, because, yes, we had a Rembrandt in the trunk!
Fast forward 15 years to this past Saturday, when “Antiques Roadshow” came to the Javits Center. I trekked along with 56 million others to get an evaluation and finally discover how rich I really was — and just how clever I’d been to spot these gems among the used tires.
Proudly, I took my gorgeous, certified etchings, one by one carefully out of the bag, unwrapped them and presented each to the antiques experts.
That's when I got to make the shock face for real.
Turns out that yes, each one is authentic. But since each image had been pulled from the copper plates after the artist was as dead as my dreams of instant wealth, they were worth, well, about $350 apiece.But what about the Miles Davis pen and pencil sketch he’d personally sent me because he liked my writing? Huh? That’s gotta be worth a lot. Right?
Well, it would have been, if it were real and not a really, really good Xerox copy of the original, which the expert discovered by looking under a high-powered glass thing. Oh the shame! The tragedy.
“See these tiny vertical lines?” the expert said. “It means it had been through a printer.” No, it means I’ve been had!
Now my Champagne wishes and caviar dreams are as dead as my dreams for calling in rich. I am “Roadshow” roadkill.
Oh, there was a guy who did find out his stuff was worth more than the $350. His baseball archive was worth, yes, one million big ones.
